Your love never fails.

God's grace is so good.

Had to start off my post with that revelation of today.

I needed to go to the bank this afternoon, so Ate Monz offered to bring me with her on her way to the Department of Education. It ended up just being a joy ride, because I brought my visa card with me instead of my debit... haha. So I'll have to go walk to the bank myself later. But I always enjoy the time I get to spend with Mona. She's one of the most inspirational people in my life. (If you know her, you already understand why that is.)

We chatted about how it really is a gift of God to be able to live in a completely different culture. I didn't realize it until my mom was here, and I saw how hard it can be for some people to adapt to the Filipino way of life. For me, it's not that it was so "easy"...but it really did come naturally. So I never thought twice about it. Now I can see that God really made me for life here! I have the right amount of passion to get excited about the children, and a love for a certain lack of 'order' shall I say? How do I describe it...? It doesn't bother me when a vehicle comes within an inch of hitting me, I just shrug it off. Even though in Canada, that would nearly give me a heart attack. I don't mind anymore when I get a mixture of urine and mud all over my feet, because it probably means I'm hanging out with children in their village. And I love those times, they are awesome! But I am realizing that what could have potentially been offensive to me, or disturbing, or irritating, I'm usually able to get over and go with the flow.

I walk down the street. People stare as they drive by. Children point, men elbow each other and make jokes.

I attempt to speak the Tagalog that I know, occasionally getting teased for my accent.

I sing with the children. I hold them, and play with them, only realizing in hind-sight that they could have lice, that their hygiene is poor.

There is puss oozing out from the wound on one child's head. But I don't look away from him, neither do I stare. I wait for him to smile at me, and go on singing, just like I should.

Some of my students are abused at home. Some of my friends are. But I'm not shocked, and I don't lose my temper when I'm around their folks or abusive siblings. The Lord gives me peace, and I know that I can only do, in the words of Mother Theresa, "small things in great love." So I try my best, by His grace, so show love.

Nothing starts on time. Ever. Except for the instances w

hen I show up late, telling myself "well, we never start on time anyway." Those times, we do. And everyone wonders, where have you been? I'm learning that there is a such thing as 'Filipino time', and it has nothing to do with time zone.

In all honesty, my students often don't take me as seriously as they do the other teachers. I suppose part of this is due to my very real lack of experience as a teacher, and also because of the language barrier. I think back to Senor Sanchez, the Spanish teacher we so awfully disrespected in grade ten. Language is huge. It really is. I need to become fluent in Tagalog.

A walk down sunset drive can be an adventure to the nose. Among some of the smells you may encounter, the three that really stand out are urine, garbage, and rotting animal. These three smells are pungent on their own, but just imagine them at midday after the 32 degree sun has been pounding down, along with the 94% humidity. Oh, it's delicious. BUT, I continue walking, because most of the time I don't even consciously notice it.

What I've learned in how to live here is a credit to the people I live with. It started out with Nathan and Matt the first time I came last year. They were the only two from our team who had been to the Philippines before, therefore, I would look to them to be my example. When a bargaining situation would arise, I'd look to one of them to see how they handled it. From Nathan's successful teasing way of bartering, I learned to get a pretty good price! Filipino's love to joke around- it really works! And with respect to the children, I wouldn't have known that it's okay to just pick up random kids and play with them had I not seen Nathan and Matt doing it first. Then, as I got to know Pastor Ding, Ate Mona, and the youth in the church, I learned to look to them as an example. From them I learned not to be offended by the rough conditions of a squatter village. I learned to focus on the children above their environment. And of course, God does a huge work in my heart to enable me to live in this Nation, and to love it. Many times I wonder how I could fit in so well anywhere else. It's not easy, and there are times of loneliness and missing home. But I find so much joy in the relationships God has blessed me with, and so much encouragement in seeing His work.

"Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work."

-Mother Teresa.

Still.

"When the oceans rise and thunders roar,

I will soar with you above the storm.

Father you are King over the flood,

I will be still and know you are God."

I'm still amazed when I can close my eyes and sing these words, with small Filipino children all around me. Some are goofing off, and some are fighting. Others are wandering around wondering, "when can we eat?", and still more are simply watching all these volunteers with their arms raised in the air, singing. I get lazy in describing the wonder of daily life here... and for that I really should apologize. I get lazy because I've grown accustomed to the sights, smells, and sounds. I can't exactly appreciate what it feels like to be 'outside the loop'. That is, I admit, one area in which I need work and growth.

Bagong Silang today was wonderful. The praise and worship was fun, then I handed my camera off to Jonell (he's a much better photographer than I am), and Milet and I went to her home. Her dog Mucho and I don't get along very well. Mostly I scold him as he tries his hardest to maul me. Certainly if it weren't for Milet holding him back, I'd have scars from that very protective dog. We hung out briefly at her place, then got back to the ministry just in time to hear the children's story.

Back at the church we had dinner, watched part of Captain America (pirated of course- it's still playing in the cinema) and I uploaded todays photos to facebook.

My classes are going well, and in my cell group we're brainstorming ways to fundraise for our mission trip. The original plan was to do a one week children's outreach in Thailand, but it's looking now like we might be going to Vietnam instead. The price would be about the same either way, and to be honest, the amount we need to come up with individually is about 300 dollars, and it's really an overwhelming amount. Coming from a very blessed nation, 300 is a lot, but not impossible. But here, it's really difficult to imagine where 300 dollars is going to come from- especially when a hundred dollars is considered a small fortune. However, all things are possible through God, so we are really holding onto faith that this trip will happen, and that we'll all be able to raise up the money necessary.

Now it's 10:30pm and I have some clothes to finish washing. Adieu and God bless!

Angela.

There we go!

Now I'm back into the swing of things! Sweet beans!

It is wet. Everything, everything is wet! The humidity is currently at 94%, and as I lay in my bed I feel like it's been rained on or peed on or just somehow drenched with water. My sheets feel damp, but I promise I haven't peed the bed! It's such an awful feeling to try and fall asleep to... So there's my complaining. I try not to complain about the weather as much as possible, because I love it here and I want to be here. And really, the truth is, most of the time I don't mind the heat or the rain. I'm pretty content. But at times like right now, I just want to complain to someone that my clothes aren't drying, and my towel isn't drying, and my bed feels wet and my face feels oily. Haha. It's funny to read that.

Despite the rain, we went to Gruar and did our ministry under some shelter. It was good. There was one interesting moment worth sharing, but especially worth remembering. I was watching the kids lining up to receive their food, and I noticed a tiny little girl sitting on the ground, pressed up against the wall and being kicked by some of the children as they passed by. I had my camera in my hand, and thought for a moment of grabbing a photo of her... to my eyes it was an interesting image- of this small girl barely visible through the legs of kids older than her, sat on the ground by herself. But I didn't try to photograph her, I just watched her for a minute. Then as if I had snapped my fingers, I thought, "what the heck am I doing? Why don't I just go pick her up?" So I did just that, moving through a mini sea of children to get to her. I asked her name, pulled her up to stand, and lifted her into my arms. She looked surprised at first but then got a cute little shy smile on her face. Mae Mae got a little jealous when she saw me holding another child, but I kissed her and tried to reassure her that it's fine and I love her just the same! I want her to understand that yes, she's so special to me, but I need to pour love on the other kids there as well.

Ate Monz invited me to eat dinner with her family tonight, since she was making spaghetti :) The spaghetti most Filipinos serve is made reeeally sweet, and it's not enjoyable at all for me. I grew up on the tastiest homemade tomato sauce in the whole wide world, and I like it salty- not sweet! Mama's sauce is the best, but Ate Mona's is really good also! It was so nice to taste something familiar to me, it kind of reminded me of home. There isn't much I crave from Canada, not much at all. But it was a real treat to eat some salty spaghetti tonight!

I worked a bit on what I'm going to share on Sunday night, and watched some of One Litre Of Tears with Mark until midnight. Now I'm almost falling asleep as I write this! It's 1:15 and I have an early morning for nutrition day tomorrow.

One more complaint before I go... there are mosquitos everywhere!!! Every time I walk into my bathroom it's like I've disturbed some hive or something, all of a sudden there are ten of them in the air. Crazy!

And also a sweet little something I've just stumbled upon.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

— Lewis Carroll

well now that I've broken the ice...

I guess I should write again! Even though nothing super exciting has occurred... I need to remain in the habit of posting. Can't get lazy! Urgh!

I headed out of my kwarto (bedroom) at 9:00 this morning to begin my grade 3 reading class. Pastor Ding intercepted me before I could get there though, and said that because of the rain, the City Hall might be closed down tomorrow, and since my visa extension was about to expire, it really would be best if we went right then. So, go we did. It's only in the next city over, and it took us all of ten minutes to get there, which is lovely compared to the 2 hours it took us to get to the Immigration Office downtown. One of the workers there even served me coffee! He must have somehow known the way to my heart is through a hot cup of coffee.... So I renewed. I'm cleared to stay in the Philippines until September 30. After that I'll renew again until November 30, then fly away. It cost me 7, 500 pesos today!!! For those who are mathematically challenged like me, allow me to make the calculation for you! It came out to be 170 dollars. Not cheap any time, but especially on a missionary budget! Wow. It's a darn good thing I'm in the clear for two months now.

We made it back to the church in plenty of time for me to eat some snacks, and then proceed to my grade 2 class. They copied out Isaiah 40:29-31 (one of my long time favourite scriptures) into their notebooks, then after my checking to make sure they copied correctly, they wrote out the scripture again onto a clean piece of white paper. On monday we'll color and design our papers, and I plan to bind them together to make a book. Bukas, (tomorrow) is our 'Nutrition Day'. Each grade will prepare part of our lunch, and along the way we'll discuss the nutrition values of different foods. My responsibility is to prepare dessert with the preschoolers. We are going to make a delicious banana dessert :) You simmer sugar, water, and salt. A syrup starts to form. Then you add your neeners and simmer longer. Then you serve your yummy neeners with sauce overtop. It's ma sarap!

So now I'm resting before we go to Gruar. Please keep us in your prayers that our students homes won't be flooded in all this rain, and that classes will continue. Also, this sunday I'll be sharing for youth group. Mark and I will play the song we wrote together, meaning I'll be singing in front of a hundred or so, depending on if it's raining. Much less people will show up if it's still raining hard. I'm nervous! But what I want to remember is that this song isn't about me, or how well I sing it, but it's all about testifying to what God has done in my life. That's really all it's about. Him. I'll also be sharing a portion of my testimony and speaking out something I feel God has placed on my heart for the youth. I pray that lots of the new kids will come, and that they won't be stopped by all the water.

Funny how I managed to write a few paragraphs, mostly about nothing!

Ingat kayo... (take care!)

oh my...

Typical Angle: if I've neglected something for long enough, I determine somewhere within myself that I'll just keep sooo much distance. I force that THING from my mind- whatever I've been ignoring or neglecting. Until it gets to be such a big thing in my head that I can't imagine possibly returning! Sounds dramatic, I know... Anyway that's why I haven't written. I went for a few days, then I went for a week, and as the days went by I'd think to myself "Oh shoot! I should write a blog! But it's already been so long... how can I know what to write..?" and then I just put it off. So I'm writing right now to break the ice!

ha!

The bad, and the good.

The good: the rotting animal smell is coming from outside, not from my ceiling. The bad: it's right outside my window. My bed is next to the window. It stinks.

The bad: my mom is coming on friday and my bathroom was a disgusting mess, including a wad of tissue stuffed away in the corner that's been peed on for what looks like the past few months. The good: that nasty freaking bunch of tissue is finally gone.

The bad: I almost gagged cleaning it off the floor. The good: I managed not to throw up.

The good: no classes tomorrow. The bad: there are no classes because the students will be busy writing their exams. Two of which I happen to be writing right now.

It turns out my procrastinating as a teacher is just as bad as it was when I was a student.

I've been so unfaithful with my blog posts... pasencha na po...

My room is now squeaky clean and suitable to host my mother. She begins her journey in about 12 hours. I'm trying to brainstorm all the things I can do to make her more comfortable... I'm going to buy some ice and manga and serve her mango like she's never had before and a cold drink once we get to the church. (I'll taxi to the airport to pick her up on friday morning and bring her back here.) One nice thing about arriving on a friday is that we don't have any ministry or outreach- only worship practice friday evenings. So she'll be able to just chill and get accustomed to being here. I have a surprise planned for monday and tuesday, but in case she reads this post I'll wait and hold back from saying what it is.

A couple exciting things have happened! I've decided now that I'm definitely staying until the end of November. Since I'll be here during the time the church goes on its mission trip to Thailand, it looks like I'll be going there with them! It will cost me 300 dollars which I'll have to try and raise somehow. We will spend one week in Thailand ministering mostly to children who are only familiar with Buddhism. Our desire is to see them come to know the Lord, and His incredible love for them. I'll try and change my flight to leave Manila November 30, and my friend from way back in grade 4 has invited me to come visit him in Wuhan, China! So if all works out, I'll go and hang out with him there for about four days and "get my feet wet in China" as he puts it. That would mean I'll get back to Canada some time in the first week of December, just in time for my 21st birthday and Christmas :) How exciting!

Aerobics with the ladies has been fun! We even had one of the little brothers join in on tuesday haha. I think he's 6, and it was so funny to watch him try and keep up with the dvd we were watching. He put forth such a great effort!

I better get back to these exams and finish up. It's almost 1:00 am and I really have to finish and get up early enough to print them off before 8. God bless!

Buhay ang maganda.

How can I express the depth of my gratitude for being here? Every time I see the kids drop their peso's in the offering basket, I tear up. When they're singing, I close my eyes and just listen. I know the words, and I like to sing along, but sometimes just hearing them is so much better. And when we pray, I don't keep my eyes shut! I open them so I can watch their precious little faces all scrunched up in focus and in passion. Sometimes I have to stop and look around me, and think, "I'm really here." And my heart overflows with thankfulness to God. Not just here in the Philippines, but here, in life. How easily I forget what's been done for me, what's been given to me! Truly, what more could I ask for??

I'm alone at the church now, it's about 7 pm. Tonight's ministry is at East Ave, and only 4 people can go each week. I get a little lonely sometimes being here alone in the evenings, but tonight it's actually really nice. This is good time for me to reflect and refocus.

It's been a week since I last wrote, there have been some funny things that happened! I was helping to cook lunch last sunday, and of course, while I stirred I was humming. Well, apparently there's a Filipino superstition that if a woman sings while she cooks, she will never get married. Ha! Then again, only the next day I was eating lunch with the other teachers. As per usual, I was the last one to finish. (If you know me well, you know I'm an extremely slow eater.) So Ate Monz informs me that I have to turn my plate! "Why?" I asked. "Because, if you're the last person eating at the table, you will never get married! But there's a way to reverse it! You must turn your plate around." She's joking of course, but I play along. I can't tell you how many times I've spinned my plate this past week haha. It seems I'm hopeless!

A couple of the guys are helping me put a poem of mine to music. It's something I wrote five years ago. Since I never intended it to be a song, it's not structured to be one at all, so it's been a little bit of a challenge. I mean, I didn't even have a tune in mind! But we sit down, and one of them plays different chords and patterns, and I try and sing along. It's really different. At one time I could say, "I'm a writer, not a musician." But now I can't claim either! I've tried writing again but it just won't flow. Anyway, the song writing process proves to be interesting. I've also picked up the guitar again, which feels good. This is a great place to improve my playing and learn some songs, since so many people here at the church are musically gifted.

Today Martha and I went to the mall to buy an aerobics DVD :) last week after prayer meeting, Mona and I were chatting about exercise, and came up with the idea to do a girls only aerobics group! So we start tomorrow! Martha and I picked a Latin dance disc haha. I've previewed it already, and I think it's going to be really fun!! I'm super excited.

I have so many questions about my future. I really don't know what's next, and I struggle with having the faith that my tomorrows are already known by God, and I need only trust that He's going to get me there safe and well. But right now, I'm sitting in front of a fan, typing at the round table in the church, listening to cars and motorcycles drive by, occasionally honking their horns. Except for Argie's brother and Jonell, I'm the only one here. It's quiet inside, and I just feel a perfect peace. In this moment, I have no confusion. None, whatsoever. Yes, I still have questions. But right now, I know that I'm where I'm meant to be. And I feel right.