You're looking into my heart.

Agh... God keeps on ripping my heart. When I close my eyes and think about it I get this picture of a heart that's being clawed at, peeling back layers. Remember Eustance, in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader? Remember when Aslan had to peel off the layers of his dragon skin by using his lion claws, and it was so painful, until finally the last layer was gone and all that was left was naked, humble Eustance...? That's me!

I've just come home from the children's program in Quezon city. I still have to process what I really saw there. Picture the island you sometimes see between different directions of traffic. You know, that little space in between, it sometimes has grass growing or trees in it? Picture instead rows of tents, as far as you can see stretching down that skinny island space. Picture children sleeping out in the open there, just laying in between lanes of traffic. They truly have noting. They don't even have enough to pay the minuscule rent to live in a squatter village. Just small children... please imagine. They are 5, 6, and younger. One of them just lost his mother, she was hit by a car and killed- right there where they all live. They're so small. My heart grieves for the little girls. How safe could they be? The literally live ON the road, and who's keeping watch over them with all the people around? Lord, please keep those children safe from harm... pray for them. That's all I can say right now. Thanks for praying.

Ange.

...dahil sabi ng Panginoon.

I was a wreck this sunday! I bawled through most of worship and again through the offering.

Jane is on the dance team. Last year when we met her, she was having a problem with her hip. She had so much pain that it made dancing impossible, and even walking to church was a struggle for her. She was truly in agony and her faith to be healed started to suffer as the weeks went by. We laid hands on her as a church and prayed many times, and a couple of the guys provided money to take her to get an MRI. Nothing was figured out, and when my team left in May she still hadn't been healed. I was ecstatic this year to come back and learn that she is completely, 100% healed now. She doesn't not suffer problems with her hip anymore! When she came out to dance sunday morning during worship I dissolved into tears. How great is our God! His spirit is so tangible at A New Hope. His praises shouted into the air, it's an atmosphere of praise!

I'm a frequent crier during the offering. Imagine spending all this time with kids who you know have next to nothing, then imagine the blessing to see them come to church. It might be an hour walk in the heat to get here, but they manage, because they can feel God when they come, and He is reason enough. Then you see them pull a couple coins from their pocket when the music starts to play. Two pesos, which is 4 cents CAD. It always makes me think of the story of the widow who gave so little- only a couple copper coins, but in such faith. What she gave was more valuable to the Lord. When I see those precious little kids walk up to the offering box and drop it in I want to sob and sob. They are so beautiful. 4 cents is all they have to give, but they do it. In that way, they are bigger than me. My selfish heart can learn so much from them.

I hope and pray that you're blessed by hearing about these kids.

On a personal note, I'm seeking God's direction for my life in my time here. I believe that now, with none of the comforts of home, or distractions around me, I can focus really intently on listening for the voice of God and where He will lead me. I want my life to have purpose and meaning. I want to DO something worth while! I need to figure out what I'm good at, what are the gifts and abilities God has already given me? It is no coincidence that my time here overlapped with the Danish team by 3 or 4 days. They have inspired me, and I've had some really good talks with a few of the girls. So please pray for me that I will have open eyes, ears, and a heart that is soft. Thanks :)

Last night I slept at the church with one of the Danish girls, she kindly invited me for a little sleepover which is SO nice because I've been a teeny bit lonely without my team. She and her team left about an hour ago (it's 4:30 in the afternoon here.) so now I'm ready to fully move in. Staying with Treesa and her family has been wonderful, they are so kind and welcoming- she even took me and her son to the pool yesterday! But it's always hard living out of a suitcase, and I've been anxious to get settled in at the church. I hung out with the girls before they left, ate lunch with them, and typed out the class lists for this year's school term. School starts next week so lots has to be done! In about an hour I'll go with two other members of the church to do a children's program at a new church in Quezon city. It's only 2 Americans and 1 Filipino, none of whom have experience in children's ministry and they are trying to start a church there. They really need a lot of help so Mona and Ding have been taking just a couple people once a week, starting a month ago. It's a new project which I'm really happy to have a part in.

I should have a shower before we go, I'm crazy sweaty and I think I'm starting to smell. haha.

I'm not very tech savvy...

just trying something to see if it works

Fire victims of Gruar

Yesterday we went into a basketball court to visit with around two hundred people who have nowhere else to live right now. A fire broke out in their squatter village a month ago and took what little they owned. It happens to be the same squatter we do a program in on thursdays. One of the Danish girls provided me this picture that you see above, of a woman and her bed. (Her baby is sleeping next to her on that pillow.) Since the Danish are still with us they did some more dancing for the kids, which they loved! They also did a few drama's, and then Pastor Ding whipped out this awesome, passionate sermon, which I didn't understand at all haha, but definitely got the idea. When Pastor Ding gets fired up it's impossible to ignore him. What a champ! 30 or 40 people raised their hands to accept the Lord following his message, praise God! I pray that they aren't satisfied with just being saved, but that they have a hunger for more- for a relationship with God daily

Today was SUPERKIDS Saturday!!! One of my favourite days of the week :D I sat with some of the same kids that I used to sit with last year- Nicole, and Renz, Jean Paul, David, and of course tons came to sit on/with me whose names I don't know yet. It was so fun!!! Shouting out prayers and bible verses, playing games, singing songs, watching a special dance by a few of the kids... it's all awesome. Then our feeding portion of the day commenced, which of course is organized, efficient, and loooong haha. It takes a long time to feed 450 kids! I wish I could explain every part so you could understand how complex it is! But maybe it's just something you have to see. It always feels crazy and overwhelming but in the end, we get all the kids fed and they leave with full bellies and hopefully smiles! It was so much fun, felt so great.

I'm pumped for tomorrow- church and youth group. I feel so much love here. I love these kids, and take ownership in a way. i know them, they know me, I want to look out for them and make sure they are okay. Well, better than okay.

Angle.

Round two!

I've been back for one day.

The plane landed in Manila at 9:30 yesterday morning, June 2. I am not in the least embarrassed to confess that I cried tears of joy as I saw the Manila harbor coming into view, completely overwhelmed. The humidity hit me like a wall, no suprise there. I got through customs, brushed my teeth and changed in the washroom, and headed out to grab a cab. He brought me to the church instead of to Treesa's- she wasn't going to be home and I decided I'd rather go and see all my friends first rather than crash in an empty house. I had the driver stop one block away from the church so that i could walk in. So much has changed... Anyway, I walked through the door to find the Danish team painting away, and just past them I saw Ate Rona! So I followed her into the church, dropped my bags, and we proceeded to hug with lots of squealing and crying on my part. I was actually shaking! Ahh. It's so good to be back.

As it was thursday, most of my friends started to trickle in. One by one I got to hug the youth of this church who I LOVE. I should explain for those reading who don't know, on thursdays we make a butt load of rice and ulam (yesterday our ulam was soup) and then bring it to Gruar, a squatter village nearby. We gather all the kids together and sing songs with them, dance, do a drama or tell a story with a biblical message, and then we pray and hand out the food. Since we have the Danish team here, they were our entertainment yesterday. They were wonderful! The kids especially liked when they performed a hip hop dance haha. Typical for them- dancing really grabs their attention. I recognized a lot of kids, and some of them remembered me. I saw Mae Mae. She was the girl who ran at me and jumped into my arms the very first time I went to Gruar, she had no idea who I was but she decided to just run at me! So since then we've been good buddies. I walked up to her and Ate Beth called her name, she looked at me kind of like a deer caught in headlights haha, and after a few seconds she LIT UP! We hugged, and pretty much kept hugging throughout our time there. I held up a few of the smaller kids so that they could see the Danish team's program, saw all kinds of things I'd forgotten I'd see... things that make me sad... But being back in that squatter village confirmed so much in my heart and in my spirit. God uses me there. God uses me here. I can LOVE these kids and it can make a difference in their lives! Not because of me, but because of Jesus in me. Awesome :)

So we finished up at Gruar, a fulfilling and blessed time, and headed back to the church. Pastor Ding and Ate Mona drove me over to Treesa's house. Only Mike was home, so he took my bags and we went to the kitchen where I tried to eat as much as I could, considering that it was 4 or 5 in the morning as far as my body was concerned! Treesa came, tried to feed me more, (lol) and we chatted about her daughters upcoming graduation, and how crazy everything has been getting ready for that. At about 8:00 I went into the room I'm staying in to get ready for bed and almost slept in all my dirty clothes haha, I could barely muster the energy to shower but I felt a lot better after I did. I slept SOLID, it was wonderful. All the way till 8 when Treesa woke me up to take me over to the church.

So that's where I am right now, 9:46 am, typing away on the church computer. Today we go back to Gruar, not to do our big program but to visit with some people who had their homes recently burned down- again. (Squatter villages are vulnerable to fires, with burning garbage and homes made partially of cardboard...) So we're making pancit, I'll help with that and maybe wander around Sunset Drive in the new grocery store and check out some of the newer shops.

Will write again soon, much love!

Ange.

draft from may 9...

How can I be discreet, how can I be vague? I'm distraught to know that one of my friends, someone I truly love and care for, is living in a completely unsafe environment at home. How can I go home now knowing the situation she's in? I'm sick, and it's not just because of the MacDonalds sitting in my gut. Another girl, one of the sweetest I've ever known told me the story of how she came to be an orphan. She told me every detail of her mother's death and we cried together. Leaving her was harder than any autumn csr or greenbay goodbye. I hugged her and we both knew there was a chance we'd never see each other again- it was obvious in our uncertain smiles. I'm so, so sorry to her that she trusted me enough to tell me of her deepest heartache and then I left only a couple days later. It's in no way fair. I have three days left here but I'm already weeping. I don't know how to fly away from the Philippines and leave the first church family I've had in years. I've made friends in this time that I could trust my life to. They love me, they trust me. They welcome my opinion and give me responsibilities, believing that I'll do a good job or at least try my best. I really feel like I belong here.

27 days baby!

Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't trade this time to be home. I've been more impacted during these last three months than I even know. But I am really excited to go home soon. Lately I've been missing the comforts of home, and my family. I'm still happy to be here though, and I really need to stick with it and not get tired, distracted or lazy. Pray that my team will stay focused on the task at hand- sharing in the glory of God! Having the privelege to look like Jesus to these kids, loving them like he would. And pray for the hearts of the children in Gruar squatter village... the God will touch them in a way that will change their lives.


It was a sad day on wednesday. When we got to the orphanage, we learned that one of the babies, Armondo, had died in the middle of the night. He had been there for a few months, and several of the staff, and some of the team had grown attached to him. What's more, it was a complete surprise to find that he'd passed away, because no one saw it coming. Admittedly, Gentle Hands never knew the full extent of his health. It seems there must have been something wrong inside the guy that no one knew. The workers were obviously still somewhat in shock while we were there that day. A few Ate's came in to pick a last outfit for the baby to wear. Mondo had club foot, which he had just gotten surgery for. He also had a cleft pallet, so when he smiled his upper lip would spread out and we'd all smile. He was a very cute little baby and I didn't want to let his memory slip away without at the very least writing about him.