hindi pa?

I ate corned beef and egg with rice for dinner last night.

Am I Filipino yet?

I follow Asian washroom techniques (TMI?)

Am I Filipino yet?

I prefer RC Cola to Coke or Mountain Dew.

Am I Filipino yet?

I use a tabo to bathe...

Am I Filipino yet?

I'm hungry within an hour if I haven't eaten rice.

(Surely that means I'm Filipino!)

I ask myself questions in Tagalog while I'm getting ready in the morning.

Am I Filipino yet?

I try so hard to mould myself to this culture, in some ways without even knowing or noticing it. What's going to happen when I go home? Am I going to know who I am anymore, apart from my Filipino friends and family? The tabo, the RC, the corned beef, they're just things. They're just stuff. I can get along without them. But I look around at my friends I love so much. They are the ones I will need when I go home. What will I do without them?

God, do I belong here? I feel like I do. My heart's desire is to live here. But am I just trying to make God's will fit with my wants? It doesn't work that way... It really doesn't. I still get to make my own choices, I could just choose to live here, even if it was apart from His plan. But the truth is, I don't want to be outside of His plan. I've lived that way before, and I simply don't want it anymore. Never again. Let me be a servant, worthy of what I've been called to, for however long my service should be. I serve out of love. I serve in response to the knowledge that I've been bought with a heavy price. Someone gave his life for me. One day, a long time ago, he hung in the air, stuck to a tree by the nails in his hands and feet. But was it the nails that held him there? If he was really the Son of God, then he had all the power in the world to get himself off that cross. No, it wasn't nails that held him there, it was love. It was my face, and your face, that he saw in his mind. And so he stayed there. There's not much I can offer him. But I will gladly give him my life, in response to him giving his for me. It is my reasonable service. (Romans 12:1 NKJ) I only pray now that he would give me the strength to remain undivided unto him. That he would help me to give my everything- not just a part.

Though the seasons may change, Your love remains.

It rained this sunday morning.

I don't know what it is, or when it really started... but somehow, God will bring rain when he knows I need it, to remind me that he loves me. It's really something special, so if it doesn't make sense to other people, I get it! But for me, it's profound. It happened most recently in September, just after my Grampa died. I was about to start my first youth group as a leader, but I was early to the church and didn't really feel comfortable hanging around there, so I went for a walk to the MacDonalds to buy a coffee. On my way back to the church, it started to rain. It wasn't pouring, but it was more than a drizzle. I lit up inside. I was beaming! I feel a glowing inside, and this warmth, and I know that He's there. I can't explain it any more than that.

I think the first time it really happened was here in the Philippines, on May 12, 2010. It was the day my team was leaving, and there were tons of thoughts and feelings going on inside me. I was sad to be leaving this place, and all the special friends I had made. I was remembering all the best moments, and all the worse moments. I prayed to God, "let it rain on our last day here." We had only experienced rain once in our whole 4 months living here, and I wanted to see the rain so bad. God knows I love the rain. So as we walked down Sunset Drive, saying our final goodbyes, low and behold- it started to rain. Ha! I could hardly believe it! I told everyone, "God made it rain!! He made it rain for me!!!" Of course, no one could understand why that would make me so excited, but it doesn't matter! I know, I know that it was God doing something special, just for me. That's how much he loves me.

This sunday as I sat in the church, I listened to the band warm up. There was no one yet sitting in the chairs, just the musicians on the stage and me sitting at the back. I don't remember what song they were practicing when it started, but all of a sudden I heard from outside the sound of rain falling on the roof. I got up, and walked to the doors. I leaned against a wooden post just outside the church, and as I heard the band begin to play "Falling In Love", I smiled, and closed my eyes, and decided to soak up that moment for everything that it was. The words of the song say, "I keep falling in love with you Lord. Every beat of my heart, breath that I take." But in that moment, I knew beyond a doubt that it was God who was telling of his love for me.

Your love never fails.

God's grace is so good.

Had to start off my post with that revelation of today.

I needed to go to the bank this afternoon, so Ate Monz offered to bring me with her on her way to the Department of Education. It ended up just being a joy ride, because I brought my visa card with me instead of my debit... haha. So I'll have to go walk to the bank myself later. But I always enjoy the time I get to spend with Mona. She's one of the most inspirational people in my life. (If you know her, you already understand why that is.)

We chatted about how it really is a gift of God to be able to live in a completely different culture. I didn't realize it until my mom was here, and I saw how hard it can be for some people to adapt to the Filipino way of life. For me, it's not that it was so "easy"...but it really did come naturally. So I never thought twice about it. Now I can see that God really made me for life here! I have the right amount of passion to get excited about the children, and a love for a certain lack of 'order' shall I say? How do I describe it...? It doesn't bother me when a vehicle comes within an inch of hitting me, I just shrug it off. Even though in Canada, that would nearly give me a heart attack. I don't mind anymore when I get a mixture of urine and mud all over my feet, because it probably means I'm hanging out with children in their village. And I love those times, they are awesome! But I am realizing that what could have potentially been offensive to me, or disturbing, or irritating, I'm usually able to get over and go with the flow.

I walk down the street. People stare as they drive by. Children point, men elbow each other and make jokes.

I attempt to speak the Tagalog that I know, occasionally getting teased for my accent.

I sing with the children. I hold them, and play with them, only realizing in hind-sight that they could have lice, that their hygiene is poor.

There is puss oozing out from the wound on one child's head. But I don't look away from him, neither do I stare. I wait for him to smile at me, and go on singing, just like I should.

Some of my students are abused at home. Some of my friends are. But I'm not shocked, and I don't lose my temper when I'm around their folks or abusive siblings. The Lord gives me peace, and I know that I can only do, in the words of Mother Theresa, "small things in great love." So I try my best, by His grace, so show love.

Nothing starts on time. Ever. Except for the instances w

hen I show up late, telling myself "well, we never start on time anyway." Those times, we do. And everyone wonders, where have you been? I'm learning that there is a such thing as 'Filipino time', and it has nothing to do with time zone.

In all honesty, my students often don't take me as seriously as they do the other teachers. I suppose part of this is due to my very real lack of experience as a teacher, and also because of the language barrier. I think back to Senor Sanchez, the Spanish teacher we so awfully disrespected in grade ten. Language is huge. It really is. I need to become fluent in Tagalog.

A walk down sunset drive can be an adventure to the nose. Among some of the smells you may encounter, the three that really stand out are urine, garbage, and rotting animal. These three smells are pungent on their own, but just imagine them at midday after the 32 degree sun has been pounding down, along with the 94% humidity. Oh, it's delicious. BUT, I continue walking, because most of the time I don't even consciously notice it.

What I've learned in how to live here is a credit to the people I live with. It started out with Nathan and Matt the first time I came last year. They were the only two from our team who had been to the Philippines before, therefore, I would look to them to be my example. When a bargaining situation would arise, I'd look to one of them to see how they handled it. From Nathan's successful teasing way of bartering, I learned to get a pretty good price! Filipino's love to joke around- it really works! And with respect to the children, I wouldn't have known that it's okay to just pick up random kids and play with them had I not seen Nathan and Matt doing it first. Then, as I got to know Pastor Ding, Ate Mona, and the youth in the church, I learned to look to them as an example. From them I learned not to be offended by the rough conditions of a squatter village. I learned to focus on the children above their environment. And of course, God does a huge work in my heart to enable me to live in this Nation, and to love it. Many times I wonder how I could fit in so well anywhere else. It's not easy, and there are times of loneliness and missing home. But I find so much joy in the relationships God has blessed me with, and so much encouragement in seeing His work.

"Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work."

-Mother Teresa.

Still.

"When the oceans rise and thunders roar,

I will soar with you above the storm.

Father you are King over the flood,

I will be still and know you are God."

I'm still amazed when I can close my eyes and sing these words, with small Filipino children all around me. Some are goofing off, and some are fighting. Others are wandering around wondering, "when can we eat?", and still more are simply watching all these volunteers with their arms raised in the air, singing. I get lazy in describing the wonder of daily life here... and for that I really should apologize. I get lazy because I've grown accustomed to the sights, smells, and sounds. I can't exactly appreciate what it feels like to be 'outside the loop'. That is, I admit, one area in which I need work and growth.

Bagong Silang today was wonderful. The praise and worship was fun, then I handed my camera off to Jonell (he's a much better photographer than I am), and Milet and I went to her home. Her dog Mucho and I don't get along very well. Mostly I scold him as he tries his hardest to maul me. Certainly if it weren't for Milet holding him back, I'd have scars from that very protective dog. We hung out briefly at her place, then got back to the ministry just in time to hear the children's story.

Back at the church we had dinner, watched part of Captain America (pirated of course- it's still playing in the cinema) and I uploaded todays photos to facebook.

My classes are going well, and in my cell group we're brainstorming ways to fundraise for our mission trip. The original plan was to do a one week children's outreach in Thailand, but it's looking now like we might be going to Vietnam instead. The price would be about the same either way, and to be honest, the amount we need to come up with individually is about 300 dollars, and it's really an overwhelming amount. Coming from a very blessed nation, 300 is a lot, but not impossible. But here, it's really difficult to imagine where 300 dollars is going to come from- especially when a hundred dollars is considered a small fortune. However, all things are possible through God, so we are really holding onto faith that this trip will happen, and that we'll all be able to raise up the money necessary.

Now it's 10:30pm and I have some clothes to finish washing. Adieu and God bless!

Angela.

There we go!

Now I'm back into the swing of things! Sweet beans!

It is wet. Everything, everything is wet! The humidity is currently at 94%, and as I lay in my bed I feel like it's been rained on or peed on or just somehow drenched with water. My sheets feel damp, but I promise I haven't peed the bed! It's such an awful feeling to try and fall asleep to... So there's my complaining. I try not to complain about the weather as much as possible, because I love it here and I want to be here. And really, the truth is, most of the time I don't mind the heat or the rain. I'm pretty content. But at times like right now, I just want to complain to someone that my clothes aren't drying, and my towel isn't drying, and my bed feels wet and my face feels oily. Haha. It's funny to read that.

Despite the rain, we went to Gruar and did our ministry under some shelter. It was good. There was one interesting moment worth sharing, but especially worth remembering. I was watching the kids lining up to receive their food, and I noticed a tiny little girl sitting on the ground, pressed up against the wall and being kicked by some of the children as they passed by. I had my camera in my hand, and thought for a moment of grabbing a photo of her... to my eyes it was an interesting image- of this small girl barely visible through the legs of kids older than her, sat on the ground by herself. But I didn't try to photograph her, I just watched her for a minute. Then as if I had snapped my fingers, I thought, "what the heck am I doing? Why don't I just go pick her up?" So I did just that, moving through a mini sea of children to get to her. I asked her name, pulled her up to stand, and lifted her into my arms. She looked surprised at first but then got a cute little shy smile on her face. Mae Mae got a little jealous when she saw me holding another child, but I kissed her and tried to reassure her that it's fine and I love her just the same! I want her to understand that yes, she's so special to me, but I need to pour love on the other kids there as well.

Ate Monz invited me to eat dinner with her family tonight, since she was making spaghetti :) The spaghetti most Filipinos serve is made reeeally sweet, and it's not enjoyable at all for me. I grew up on the tastiest homemade tomato sauce in the whole wide world, and I like it salty- not sweet! Mama's sauce is the best, but Ate Mona's is really good also! It was so nice to taste something familiar to me, it kind of reminded me of home. There isn't much I crave from Canada, not much at all. But it was a real treat to eat some salty spaghetti tonight!

I worked a bit on what I'm going to share on Sunday night, and watched some of One Litre Of Tears with Mark until midnight. Now I'm almost falling asleep as I write this! It's 1:15 and I have an early morning for nutrition day tomorrow.

One more complaint before I go... there are mosquitos everywhere!!! Every time I walk into my bathroom it's like I've disturbed some hive or something, all of a sudden there are ten of them in the air. Crazy!

And also a sweet little something I've just stumbled upon.

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

— Lewis Carroll

well now that I've broken the ice...

I guess I should write again! Even though nothing super exciting has occurred... I need to remain in the habit of posting. Can't get lazy! Urgh!

I headed out of my kwarto (bedroom) at 9:00 this morning to begin my grade 3 reading class. Pastor Ding intercepted me before I could get there though, and said that because of the rain, the City Hall might be closed down tomorrow, and since my visa extension was about to expire, it really would be best if we went right then. So, go we did. It's only in the next city over, and it took us all of ten minutes to get there, which is lovely compared to the 2 hours it took us to get to the Immigration Office downtown. One of the workers there even served me coffee! He must have somehow known the way to my heart is through a hot cup of coffee.... So I renewed. I'm cleared to stay in the Philippines until September 30. After that I'll renew again until November 30, then fly away. It cost me 7, 500 pesos today!!! For those who are mathematically challenged like me, allow me to make the calculation for you! It came out to be 170 dollars. Not cheap any time, but especially on a missionary budget! Wow. It's a darn good thing I'm in the clear for two months now.

We made it back to the church in plenty of time for me to eat some snacks, and then proceed to my grade 2 class. They copied out Isaiah 40:29-31 (one of my long time favourite scriptures) into their notebooks, then after my checking to make sure they copied correctly, they wrote out the scripture again onto a clean piece of white paper. On monday we'll color and design our papers, and I plan to bind them together to make a book. Bukas, (tomorrow) is our 'Nutrition Day'. Each grade will prepare part of our lunch, and along the way we'll discuss the nutrition values of different foods. My responsibility is to prepare dessert with the preschoolers. We are going to make a delicious banana dessert :) You simmer sugar, water, and salt. A syrup starts to form. Then you add your neeners and simmer longer. Then you serve your yummy neeners with sauce overtop. It's ma sarap!

So now I'm resting before we go to Gruar. Please keep us in your prayers that our students homes won't be flooded in all this rain, and that classes will continue. Also, this sunday I'll be sharing for youth group. Mark and I will play the song we wrote together, meaning I'll be singing in front of a hundred or so, depending on if it's raining. Much less people will show up if it's still raining hard. I'm nervous! But what I want to remember is that this song isn't about me, or how well I sing it, but it's all about testifying to what God has done in my life. That's really all it's about. Him. I'll also be sharing a portion of my testimony and speaking out something I feel God has placed on my heart for the youth. I pray that lots of the new kids will come, and that they won't be stopped by all the water.

Funny how I managed to write a few paragraphs, mostly about nothing!

Ingat kayo... (take care!)

oh my...

Typical Angle: if I've neglected something for long enough, I determine somewhere within myself that I'll just keep sooo much distance. I force that THING from my mind- whatever I've been ignoring or neglecting. Until it gets to be such a big thing in my head that I can't imagine possibly returning! Sounds dramatic, I know... Anyway that's why I haven't written. I went for a few days, then I went for a week, and as the days went by I'd think to myself "Oh shoot! I should write a blog! But it's already been so long... how can I know what to write..?" and then I just put it off. So I'm writing right now to break the ice!

ha!